1/2024
I had an appoitnemt with my psychiatrist yesterday and was so nervous because I knew I had to tell him that December and this first week of January has been the most anxiety I’ve had since seeing him the passed 3-4 years.
I talked to him about the way I’ve been feeling, the things I’ve been thinking and why I think I’ve been in this headspace.
He said he was glad to see I still had feelings, that it was a good thing, and a natural human reaction to have worry. He pointed out that even though this is the worst it’s been since seeing him I haven’t had panic attacks or sunk into a deep depression over it.
And then HE told ME that he thinks I’m ready to come off mt medicine, and he would like for me to go back in May to start that process. And he said if I feel like I notice my anxiety being heightened he would like to work with me on introducing natural medicines like ashwaganda and other options.
I’m so glad that’s what he’s seeing because I was seeing myself in a completely different light lol.
He also gave me “homework” to work through what I’m going through. He would like for me to start talking to my mom more about my dad, and to J more about the thoughts that spiral in my head. He would also like me to start doing things with the girls that my dad used to do with me. And he also wants me to start writing. Writing letters to my dad, journaling what’s in my head, etc.
The last one is funny because when I told my mom she said that’s how I coped when I was younger, I would write stories.
Anyways, I just thought I’d share because mental health isn’t talked about very often even though 4 out of every 5 people deal with some sort of mental health issues.
I also want to point out that medicine is not a horrible decision, and its okay if you’re in a place where you need it. I was. I wasn’t proud, but it helped keep me from drowning and let me catch my breath and actually make it to shore. I also wanted to show that its not forever. There were so many times the past few years where I thought, “Will I have to rely on this pill everyday of my life?” and sometimes that thought made me really really sad.
Yesterday was a very big moment for me, and I’m happy with the journey I’ve taken with my mental health. And I hope my big moment can help anyone who’s scared to see a doctor, see a psychiatrist, get on medicine and/or get off medicine.
You’ve got this. God’s got this. God’s got you.
– S
dear diary
